Why Do We Hesitate?

If establishing boundaries and expressing our desires is the key to achieving more fulfilling relationships, why do so many of us shy away from doing it? Why do we settle for less when we could be obtaining what we truly deserve?

Can We Attract Better?

If we consistently attract individuals who use and mistreat us, will speaking our worth lead to anything positive? Will setting standards merely result in disappointment?

The answer is no. As long as you continue to engage with those who do not meet your standards, you are diverting your attention away from those who can fulfill your needs. You will only attract a certain type of person if you remain the kind of individual who draws them in. There are indeed many potential partners out there; your standards are what differentiate one from another.

By beginning to elevate your standards, you start saying 'no' to a particular group of people and 'yes' to another. This shift opens you up to what genuinely benefits you—but only if you genuinely believe it.

Do We Believe We Deserve More?

The notion that we accept the love we believe we deserve isn’t just a cliché; it's a profound truth. Many of us hesitate to raise our standards because, on some level, we feel unworthy of more.

Self-esteem operates in a feedback loop, where our actions reinforce our beliefs, and those beliefs shape our actions. If we tolerate mistreatment, it strengthens the belief that we don't value ourselves, which in turn perpetuates more "standardless" behavior.

Establishing and respecting your boundaries disrupts this cycle, creating a new one where each choice to honor your authentic needs and reject those who don’t support you enhances your self-worth. While you may initially struggle to believe you deserve more, over time, you will come to realize it.

You deserve availability, care, effective communication, and everything you genuinely desire. Even if it’s challenging to accept now, you truly do. If your past experiences in dating have been painful, setting higher standards is the first step toward change.

The Challenge of Setting Standards

Many of us are aware that we shouldn’t tolerate less than we deserve, yet we often do. Taking action can be daunting; if it weren't, we would effortlessly set standards without hesitation. Speaking your worth forces you to confront the beliefs that have held you back.

Perhaps past relationships have instilled a sense of unworthiness, or childhood experiences left your authentic needs unmet. Maybe societal influences have led you to believe your identity defines your value.

Implementing your new standards may create friction with these ingrained beliefs. Initially, it might feel wrong to assert your worth or express needs when you've always remained silent. However, it is essential to push through this discomfort.

This psychological struggle, known as cognitive dissonance, occurs when your beliefs clash with your behaviors. Feeling uneasy is entirely normal at the start; however, as you persist, you'll forge new beliefs through new experiences. Your past will eventually be replaced by moments where you confidently uphold your standards.

The Positive Impact of Setting Standards

None of this is merely speculation. When you start to establish and maintain genuine standards for yourself—whether in dating or other areas—positive changes will follow. They may not happen overnight, but they will occur as you refuse to accept anything less than what you deserve.

You will no longer find yourself entangled with unavailable individuals; your new standards will filter them out. Instead, you will attract those who are genuinely available, and you will recognize the stark contrast in your experiences.

Above all, it will feel empowering. Standing in your worth is a remarkable strength that many of us fail to experience. There’s nothing more satisfying than knowing you deserve better and taking action to secure it. This feeling far outweighs the shame that accompanies settling for less. Once you experience this shift, the desire to settle will vanish.

Thank you for reading this article! I appreciate your support, so if you found this helpful, please give it a few claps and follow Above The Middle for more insights. If you're interested in further reading, check out these related articles.

The End of Desire: Rejecting Unhealthy Attractions

The end of desire marks the cessation of unhealthy attractions, breaking free from the dynamics that keep you pursuing unavailable partners.

The first video discusses practical strategies for raising your standards in relationships, emphasizing the importance of self-worth.

The second video addresses the question of whether one should lower their standards in dating, providing insightful answers to common concerns.