Chapter 1: Finding a New Sense of Freedom

The sensation of achievement after years filled with experimentation and setbacks is indeed peculiar. I never imagined I would reach a stage where I feel content, pain-free, and liberated from the persistent reminder that I must always hold back my efforts.

Although I recognize the necessity to moderate my activities, the constant physical discomfort that once overshadowed my life has faded. No longer do I feel a sense of despair regarding my chronic condition. Instead, my daily routine has become rewarding. I've prioritized physical therapy over leisurely outdoor activities, coupled with a manageable work schedule that allows me to thrive rather than merely survive. These factors have guided me toward a newfound sense of liberation.

Despite nearly two decades of striving for a balanced routine, marked by numerous setbacks and restarts, I never lost hope. I continued to engage in physical rehabilitation and sought a work environment that accommodated my health needs, even in the absence of immediate rewards. True freedom is not about being able to do anything at any time, nor is it about abandoning my structured routine. It’s about liberation from relentless pain and significant alterations to my daily life.

My daily tasks are becoming less burdensome, and I find myself needing less assistance from my husband with chores like carrying groceries, driving, cooking, and even simple tasks like bending to pick things up. My sense of independence is gradually returning.

There were many activities I had to give up because they became unbearable. I once relished long road trips, but over time, even a short drive to work became an arduous task. It felt as though I could hardly go anywhere without my husband's support. The dependency was more draining than the tasks themselves; it was an emotional struggle that left me feeling trapped and stripped of my freedom.

Together, my husband and I created a daily routine aimed at easing my challenges, ensuring work remained manageable and that I could still find joy in life. While we remain within that routine, it has become less burdensome, offering a sense of relief.

I still harbor fears of losing the progress I've made, yet I yearn for complete independence. Requesting accommodations at work feels akin to asking for an extravagant bonus—it leaves you vulnerable, exposing your weaknesses. You must advocate for yourself because no one else can. Even the legal protections of the Family and Medical Leave Act offer little solace; signing those documents often feels like a farewell to your job.

The cost of requesting accommodations can be steep, sometimes even your entire career and dignity. However, not asking could prove even more costly in the long run. If I were to overexert myself, I would risk losing the independence I have fought so hard to regain. The thought of sliding back into a life of constant pain and exhaustion is far too daunting.

Chronic back and neck pain can feel like an overwhelming wave crashing over your entire being—it’s a persistent, all-encompassing agony that feels as if it will never relent. This persistent condition often leads individuals, particularly those in physically demanding jobs, to seek solace in narcotics, as they strive for a sense of relief and freedom.

I understand this struggle, but I have chosen a different path.

After years of discomfort, my body feels better than it has in a long time—a sentiment I hesitate to share for fear of losing this newfound freedom. It’s a strange experience, feeling lighter and more youthful in body, even if my mind still grapples with the shadows of past injuries. I recognize that the profound impact of these injuries never fully disappears, leaving behind an ever-present 'what if.'

With time, I have learned to accept change while adhering to the routine that has provided me with this sense of freedom. While it may not be the complete liberation I long for, it is a much better alternative to the constant pain that would otherwise define my life.

If you find yourself thinking, "This is too much; I can’t continue like this," remember that hope can emerge from taking action. Engaging in even the smallest steps can foster the belief that improvement is possible. As you persist in your efforts, the thought of surrendering fades.

Some actions may lead to mistakes, and results might take years or even decades to materialize, but taking action is far superior to succumbing to helplessness. It's action that prevents hopelessness from prevailing; it's action that enables you to truly experience life.

The first video, "Stories of Living with Chronic Pain," shares personal narratives that illustrate the challenges and triumphs of individuals navigating chronic pain.

The second video, "Pain: Do you really get it? Professor Lorimer Moseley," offers insights from a leading expert on understanding and managing chronic pain, shedding light on the complexities of this condition.