Chapter 1: The Path to Wellness

As I embark on my journey back to wellness, I find solace in the wisdom of Ryan Holiday and other Stoics each morning. Their quotes have significantly shaped my understanding of what truly matters, steering me away from the expectations of others and towards what I can contribute and achieve, allowing the rest to fade away.

Nonetheless, I must remind myself of the importance of moderation. In the past, I was the go-to person for everyone, which ultimately led to my own downfall. Staying vigilant is crucial to avoid slipping back into old patterns. This brings me to this week's reflection.

During our usual weekend conversations, my eldest and I engaged in a lengthy discussion about philosophy and life. They attempted to recall a quote by Theodore Roosevelt regarding the concept of gray twilight and the necessity of strife for personal growth.

After some searching, we found it.

Roosevelt penned these words in 1899 while serving as the governor of New York:

“Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.”

This quote struck a chord with me, as many of us find ourselves in that "gray twilight," neither progressing nor regressing, but existing in a state of inertia, often glued to our smartphones... the "poor spirits" who exist without experiencing real victories or defeats.

Recent years have led many of us to hit the snooze button on life. Staying home and confronting the fallout of the pandemic took a toll on many, including myself, as I struggled to adapt to a slower pace that was essential for my health.

The Stoics teach that strife, whether it leads to victory or defeat, is crucial for growth. Those who merely observe from the sidelines miss out on the richness of experience. Instead of taking action, many have chosen to remain passive, complicating their lives further.

Roosevelt's reflections on suffering resonate deeply. He faced immense personal loss—the deaths of his first wife and mother within hours of each other, his childhood frailness, and the assassination of President McKinley that thrust him into leadership. To cope with his grief, he spent years in North Dakota.

People often expect life to mirror the neat resolutions found in movies, feeling defeated when real-life challenges linger longer than 90 minutes. Yet, it's the struggles that shape our identities. Recognizing when to withdraw, as well as what brings us discomfort, is vital.

For me, the issue arose from taking on too many responsibilities that weren’t mine to bear. I would willingly sacrifice my well-being to assist others, which ultimately drained my energy on projects that yielded little reward.

Now, I’ve become more discerning about the commitments I undertake and the company I keep. I’ve come to realize that it’s not about the number of people around you, but the quality of those relationships.

My friends are a source of joy. True friends listen, cheer for you, and make you feel valued. They may not recognize the significant impact a simple call or message can have, but to me, they are my heroes.

Roosevelt also speaks of victory.

Even the smallest victories matter—whether it's a supportive comment, an email, or a friendly greeting on a day when you feel invisible. Recognizing these small wins is crucial, just as knowing when to re-enter the fray and take action is essential. You have the power to make that leap.

For me, stories are beginning to flow in. Occasionally, it feels like I’m caught in a salsa rhythm when I should be waltzing. Patience is key as I navigate my health journey.

Regardless of the outcomes, whether they be victories or defeats, the adventure remains intriguing. I refuse to "live in the gray twilight."

Living In The Gray explores the complexities of our emotional landscapes and encourages embracing life's challenges for personal growth.

Godsmack - Living In The Gray (1000hp) 2014 delves into the struggles of balancing life’s demands and the quest for self-identity amidst chaos.