Chapter 1: Finding Your Rhythm

Have you always wanted to live a vibrant and free-spirited life? As you journey through existence, you likely faced various challenges and opportunities that either propelled you forward or held you back. Now, you may be questioning if you can still dance through life.

If this resonates with you, you've come to the right place. Grasping the teachings from ‘The Courage to Be Disliked’ by Kishimi and Koga can help you, just as it has for me.

Coming from a middle-class Indian family, I transitioned through various roles—from engineer to wife, to a globe-trotting professional, and finally, to motherhood. Initially, the Adlerian philosophy in the book appeared unusual to me. However, after reflecting on it for six months, its wisdom began to reveal itself.

To truly find your rhythm, it's essential to shed self-consciousness. Living your best life means releasing inhibitions and embracing the joy of dancing alongside others. While this may seem straightforward, putting it into practice is challenging. Here are 11 insights I gleaned from this transformative book:

1. Release Trauma

   We often bury pain from our past—be it from toxic relationships or career disappointments. The reality is that our history has no power over our future unless we allow it to be an excuse. Recognizing this can pave the way for genuine change. I decided to free myself from past hurts, which was liberating. Successful individuals accept their past without judgment.

2. Embrace Happiness as a Choice

   We possess the power to determine our own happiness. By making conscious choices, we can cultivate a more fulfilling life. It's natural not to feel positive all the time, but we must accept our emotions for effective processing. Recently, I felt low as my self-doubt resurfaced, but I discovered that movement, genuine connections, and engaging in activities I love helped me rediscover joy. Remember, your unhappiness isn't due to your past or environment; it's about having the courage to choose happiness—Ichiro Kishimi.

3. Recognize All Problems Are Interpersonal

   Most issues arise from our relationships with others. Building healthy connections is crucial for conflict resolution and fulfillment. If your core relationships are unfulfilling, success in other areas may seem insignificant. I prioritize spending quality time with my family, which brings immense joy. Discover your own rhythm and learn to dance to it.

4. Acknowledge Anger as a Fabrication

   We often wield anger as a weapon to assert dominance. Understanding that anger is often a construct can help us respond in more constructive ways. I grew up learning to distrust others, which led to hostility. Realizing that my anger was frequently unwarranted allowed me to let go of it. When you approach life like a dance, anger loses its grip on you.

5. Inferiority is a Subjective Assumption

   Feelings of inferiority often serve as excuses for not pursuing our goals. Recognize that your feelings do not define your identity. I learned to maintain a balanced perspective, avoiding extremes. Instead of comparing myself to others, I focus on my strengths and areas for improvement. Finding your balance allows you to dance freely.

6. Identify Your Responsibilities

   Understanding which tasks are within our control is vital. It's crucial to let children learn from their experiences. I strive to be patient as my daughter grows, allowing her to make her own choices. Living in the moment and enjoying life's pace is essential.

7. Let Go of the Need for Recognition

   The desire for recognition can hinder our freedom. By liberating ourselves from this craving, we can pursue our goals without being swayed by others' opinions. Growing up, I was taught the importance of external validation. I have since learned to seek self-approval instead, recognizing that true happiness stems from self-acceptance.

8. Avoid Living for Others’ Expectations

   Set your own goals and pursue them without being held back by others' expectations. I spent years trying to meet my parents’ desires, only to realize it was draining. Now, I focus on creating healthy boundaries while nurturing supportive relationships.

9. Foster a Sense of Community

   Healthy relationships thrive on a sense of community and connection. Work towards cultivating mutually beneficial relationships and spread joy by serving others.

10. Form Horizontal Relationships

    Instead of constantly praising or rebuking, strive to create relationships based on equality and respect. This approach fosters encouragement and confidence.

11. Differentiate Between Trust and Confidence

    Trust is conditional, while confidence is inherent. We should trust others based on their reliability, but confidence in ourselves should remain steadfast regardless of external influences.