Understanding Autistic Traits Often Overlooked in Women
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Chapter 1: The Hidden Struggles of Autistic Women
Throughout my life, I have constantly grappled with feelings of alienation, despite my best efforts to conform. It often felt as though I was a goat in a flock of sheep, inherently different from my peers and family. Like many autistic women, I suppressed these feelings deeply, allowing only fleeting glimpses of my true self to surface during moments of emotional turmoil. My energy was consumed by the need to mask my authentic self to experience a semblance of normalcy, even if just for a few minutes each day.
From a young age, I felt isolated—not only because I was born with club feet, a physical disability, but also as one of the few people of color in my environment. I endured bullying as a child, leading me to develop a defense mechanism that masked any traits that set me apart. Consequently, my autism went undetected for 27 years.
Despite my efforts to conceal it, my mask had many cracks. My autistic traits would sometimes surface, but it wasn't until I became a mother at 26 that my facade completely fell apart. Motherhood brought overwhelming challenges that revealed my autism and ADHD, prompting me to seek therapy. It was then that I learned about my neurodiversity and why I faced such struggles.
Reflecting on my journey, I've identified several autistic traits that were easily overlooked:
Chart of Easily Missed Autistic Traits in Women
The first video explores various autistic traits in women that are often overlooked. It highlights the subtle differences in how autistic traits can manifest, particularly in women.
Section 1.1: Stimming and Its Misinterpretations
One reason many autistic women remain undiagnosed for years is the way stimming presents differently in females. Stimming, or self-stimulating behaviors, includes repetitive movements or sounds, which are recognized in the DSM-5 as part of autism criteria. My stimming behaviors included joint cracking, lip biting, arm rubbing, and hair playing. While these actions may seem typical, their repetitive nature is a significant sign of autism.
In the early 2000s, autism awareness was limited, leading my teachers to overlook my stimming. My parents, lacking knowledge about autism, also ignored these signs. I remember my mother questioning my physiotherapist about my habit of cracking my toes, thinking it stemmed from my physical disability. If only there had been greater awareness at the time, I might have received an earlier diagnosis.
Section 1.2: Sensitivity and Emotional Responses
I have always been acutely sensitive to criticism. Growing up, any reprimand from my parents would send me into a meltdown, often causing me to leave the room. I was labeled "the sensitive one," leading me to resent my sensitivity and the tears that accompanied it. I later discovered that this was a form of Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, common among neurodiverse individuals.
Chapter 2: The Overlooked Aspects of Autism
63 Common Autistic Traits You Never Realized Were Signs of Autism
The second video sheds light on numerous autistic traits that individuals may not recognize as signs of autism. It aims to raise awareness about the broad spectrum of autism traits.
Section 2.1: Challenges with Eye Contact
For years, I worked hard to mask my discomfort with eye contact. I learned to focus on people's eyebrows or foreheads instead, as direct eye contact felt invasive. When reprimanded, I often looked down or turned away, only to be scolded for not maintaining eye contact. It's not rudeness; it’s simply a struggle for many autistic individuals. I often find that I concentrate better when not making eye contact.
Section 2.2: The Power of Special Interests
My special interests were often deemed "normal," which led to my autism being overlooked. As a child, I was obsessed with "Barney & Friends," watching it incessantly. Later, my passion for reading developed, and I read at an advanced level for my age. This intensity of focus on interests, although seen as normal, contributed to the misdiagnosis of autistic traits.
Section 2.3: The Need for Solitude
Alone time has always been essential for my recharging process. I enjoyed solitude from a young age, but my family often found it strange. After a long day of masking at school, I would retreat to my room, needing to recharge before engaging with my family.
Section 2.4: Fine Motor Skills Challenges
A clear indicator of my autism was my struggle with fine motor skills. I didn’t learn to tie my shoelaces until my late twenties, a fact my family attributed to my physical disability. However, many autistic individuals face challenges with tasks requiring fine motor coordination.
Section 2.5: Navigational Difficulties
I have always found navigation confusing and panic when asked to determine directions. While others learned to drive at 21, I struggled significantly during lessons. The overwhelming nature of driving is a challenge I now understand through the lens of my autism.
Section 2.6: Sensitivity to Clothing
In high school, when I shared my discomfort with clothing tags, my peers looked at me as if I were odd. I realized then that my sensitivity to itchy tags and certain materials was not something everyone experienced.
Section 2.7: The Importance of Routine
Routine has always been crucial for me. Any disruption would send me into a spiral, leading my parents to label me as "difficult." Understanding my need for routine as a form of self-care has been empowering since learning about my autism.
I hope these insights resonate with you. If you found this information valuable, I encourage you to leave a comment. Engagement helps sustain my writing efforts, and I appreciate your support! For more on the neurodivergent experience, consider following my work on Medium and check out my upcoming book.