Chapter 1: The Impact of Loss

In May 1987, the sudden passing of a former partner in a car accident profoundly affected my life. He was just twenty-nine, the same age I would reach later that year. His unexpected departure served as a stark reminder of life's fleeting nature, compelling me to seize the moment and truly live.

This tragic event reignited my ambition to pursue my dream of being an artist. I felt a strong urge to create, understanding that procrastination could mean missing out on opportunities. I began with a drawing of a profile face, incorporating small heads emerging from its mouth. Eagerly, I cut and stitched the fabric pieces, but once finished, I sensed it needed something more.

Reflecting on previous mistakes, I decided to leave the background of my next fabric piece unquilted. For several days, I pondered what it still lacked, feeling an emptiness that needed addressing. One night, just before sleep, inspiration struck: I should mirror the design on the opposite side by adding another head with tiny figures emerging from its mouth. This led to the title for my work: "Gossip."

After completing the piece, I framed it and proudly displayed it next to my first artwork, bringing a renewed sense of hope into my life.

I realized that my art was a reflection of my personal experiences. At that time, my conversations with my sister and friends revolved around gossip—escaping the mundane realities of our lives instead of focusing inward.

With my husband away at sea, Saturday nights were often spent socializing with my sister and female friends at bars or at home. If we gathered at my place, our young children would play together, and we'd give them quick baths in the kitchen sink or a bathtub.

Amidst this, I noticed my son struggling with speech. After a hearing test showed no issues, I enrolled him in speech therapy. Years later, we discovered he had dyslexia, which made reading a challenge.

Meanwhile, I faced my own voice issues. A visit to my family doctor led to a referral to a specialist. The report detailed my struggles with vocal quality and the discomfort I experienced, particularly after long conversations. The doctor recommended speech therapy.

In August, as I completed my third fabric artwork, my sister and I organized a 40th wedding anniversary celebration for our parents. As I reflected on my six-year marriage, I questioned whether my husband and I would ever reach that milestone. The thought of remaining in a situation like my parents’ was daunting, especially given my husband’s drinking habits.

Gossip became my escape; I avoided confronting the discontent in my life. However, I realized that art could offer a path to transformation. I recognized the need to redirect my focus from others to myself. I needed to take decisive action to change my circumstances, understanding that this journey must start with my art.

Chapter 2: Embracing Change

Through this creative process, I learned to believe in myself again and recognized that my aspiration to be an artist was achievable.

Barbara Carter is a visual artist and writer dedicated to healing from past traumas, overcoming alcohol addiction, and embracing an authentic life.

Chapter 3: Transforming Disappointments

Change often requires patience and time, but it can lead to significant breakthroughs.

Chapter 4: The ABCs of Barbara Carter

Twenty-six insights from A to Z that reflect my journey and experiences.