Chapter 1: The Essence of Community

It’s often said that it takes a village to raise a child, but in reality, it takes a community to navigate adulthood. As a 35-year-old without children who tends to be quite independent, I never envisioned myself as someone who would actively build and nurture communities. After all, I identify as an introvert. Yet, surprisingly, I find myself doing just that wherever I go.

This realization prompted me to reflect on our inherent need for social connection. Recent studies suggest that our biological makeup has evolved to necessitate social bonds. Humans possess relatively large brains for our body size, a phenomenon that dates back to the 1990s when anthropologist Robin Dunbar theorized that our brain size evolved to accommodate the complexities of social relationships and networks.

Dunbar showed that the size of a species' social group significantly influenced its brain size. As groups grew larger, so did the brains, as managing a multitude of social interactions requires considerable cognitive resources. Thus, our evolution towards larger brains was fundamentally about enhancing our capacity for social connectivity.

Over the past five decades, Western society has undergone dramatic transformations. The diminishing influence of religious institutions has led to a decline in community support that once provided a safety net for individuals. Coupled with increased mobility, where people often leave their hometowns, we find ourselves more isolated than ever before. Despite being the most connected generation in history, we also experience profound loneliness.

This longing for connection persists. However, it has led us to place unrealistic expectations on those closest to us, demanding that they fulfill multiple roles in our lives. This over-reliance on romantic partners has contributed to a rise in divorce rates, particularly as church attendance has waned. Our partners are not failing us; rather, expecting them to be our confidants, friends, lovers, and caregivers all at once is not only unrealistic but also unfeasible.

Some individuals seek solace in online forums or through their work, which can result in internet dependencies or burnout, often simultaneously. At the core, we all seek a space where we can truly belong.

This is precisely why I cherish the Medium community. While we may hold vastly different perspectives, and the likelihood of meeting one another is slim—many of us use avatars, after all—the exchange of ideas and narratives on this platform serves as a comforting balm for my independent spirit. It has also reduced my need for deep conversations with those who may not be inclined to engage at that level.

Before anyone jumps to conclusions about my supposed neediness, rest assured. I'm not seeking to have all my relational needs met here. However, participating in this community has allowed me to engage differently in my real-life relationships. None of you can provide the physical comfort of a hug, but sometimes just knowing that I’m not alone in my experiences, as I read your stories, is more than enough.

So, I extend my gratitude to all of you.

Chapter 2: Insights on Community Design

In the first video, "What I've Learned about Community Design," the speaker shares valuable lessons about fostering connections and designing spaces that nurture community engagement. This discussion highlights the importance of intentionality in creating environments that facilitate social interactions.

The second video, "5 Things We've Learned Living in Intentional Community," provides practical insights from individuals who have embraced community living. It emphasizes the lessons learned through shared experiences and the significance of collaboration in building meaningful relationships.